There is no answer to this inquiry, because the proper questions to be asked are
- Why does having friends suck? and
- How do friends suck?
Let’s find the answers to these questions. Continue reading »
Trust is based on the principle that humans can depend on other humans. It involves the mutual understanding that one will act in the interests of the other, and that certain pieces of information may be shared without negative repercussions. Trust is a good thing; there is no doubt about that. However, it remains to be determined whether confidentiality and secrets are in one’s interests.
Anatomy of a Secret
Secrets are pieces of information known only to an elite — that is, confined to the knowledge of a (usually small) group. A secret is divulged willingly when the following conditions are met:
- Person A trusts person B to exercise “good judgement” in the application of the information
- A trusts B to keep the secret “secret”, known only to a small group
- A is the source of the secret OR A is not under obligation to keep it entirely secret to the existing elite
Additionally, secrets are willingly divulged with the following restrictions:
- B will not reveal the information to anyone unless A approves
- B will not harm or attempt to harm A directly or indirectly
(On a side note, it is entirely illogical and unreasonable for B to impose restrictions on A with regards to the secret, since the propagation of the secret will not harm B, who is not the source of the secret.)
At first glance, secrets appear to be good because they require trust (already proven to be a good concept) and establish a purpose-driven relationship. However, the reality is that secrets are built on the basis of a lack of trust.
By definition, secrets are known only to a small group, of which the members are ‘trustworthy’ according to the judgement of the source. This implies:
- The knowledge is NOT known to a much larger group
The primary reason that secrets are kept is that the information could be misused in some way to harm the source of the secret. This implies that those who know will NOT misuse the information, having gained trust. This also implies that those who are denied knowledge could misuse the information — this suspicion is termed ‘mistrust’.
‘Mistrust’ is the belief that those who may be trustworthy have an ulterior motive or intend malice. The application of this hostility takes place in the divulging of secrets.
Much more insight follows the jump. Continue reading »
I am presently studying Notes from Underground, an amazing literary work that examines the human condition.
There are a number of quotations that may be easily applied to my life, or indeed, the lives of most humans.
… you constantly come up in life against those virtuous and sensible people, sages and lovers of mankind, who make it their very life’s purpose to conduct themselves at all times as properly and sensibly as possible; to serve, as it were, as guiding lights to their fellow men, to the end of proving to them that it is indeed possible to live in the world both decently and sensibly. And what does it all come down to? We know how many of these lovers of mankind have sooner or later ended up by betraying their own fine principles and pulling some scandalous antic–often of a most disreputable nature.
Yup, that’s me; I am a person who tries to act sensibly, logically, and decently. I can fully see the possibility, how ever much I wish to discredit it, of myself — at some point — doing something indecent and contrary to my principles.
Later on, there is another noteworthy paragraph:
In every man’s memory there are things he won’t reveal to others, except, perhaps, to friends. And there are things he won’t reveal even to friends, only, perhaps, to himself, and then, too, in secret. And finally, there are things he is afraid to reveal even to himself, and every decent man has quite an accumulation of them. In fact, the more decent the man, the more of them he has stored up.
Those of you who are pestering me about secrets may take something from this.
